Attachment Disorders: A Brief Background

Dealing with RAD, DSED, and ODD feels like drowning on every day that ends in Y.

Let me preface this by saying: I know Miss Thang (MT) has been through alot in her 14 years of life and things that went on prior to us adopting her are not her fault. So before people come and try to bash me for the honesty policy I have set forth, have several seats (on nails if needed), go research what happens to families dealing with this and then come re-read what I am about to put down because it’s about to get real.

I will not tell all of her history, but I think it is right before throwing all the mess at you, that you have a firm understanding of some of her history. MT was born to a 15-year-old mother out of country. She was placed in an orphanage at 1.5 years old and selected for adoption by another family shortly after. She came to America at three and lived with them until she was six…almost seven.

This means that in seven years of life, we are her fourth home (and her last).

Now, seven years into this, my home feels like a war-zone most days. The lying is non-stop, to the point that we can’t believe anything. The manipulation of others into thinking she is the complete opposite of what we say is regular and the fight for control is constant.

Kids with attachment disorders tend to desire control in any way possible, and whoever the main parent is normally gets dragged through the mud dealing with it. I am that main parent.

This chart from survivaltoserenity.com shows some of the things attachment disorder children and parents struggle with. Though MT does not fit all the categories on this chart (she is not violent), her behaviors fit in many of these bubbles. 

Tuesday was a therapy day. She is at a stage where if she does not become active in the therapy, she is refusing to get better. At this point she has not participated, to a level acceptable to her therapist or us. I am only a 397.35 month old, and most days I do not feel equipped enough or mature enough to deal with all of it. However, Rhino and myself keep reading, researching, and connecting with other parents to let them know they are not as crazy as they seem to parents who don’t deal with this.

Every disorder has a reality. So here you will get the reality of what RAD is in our home. We take it day-by-day. Hell, sometimes hour-by-hour. Yet, in everything, our only desire is that MT learn to communicate openly, be honest and develop a sense of herself and not what she thinks others want her to be. So to therapy weekly we will go, and you guys will get the comedy and the tears of it. It gets hard holding it all in.

For more information on Reactive Attachment Disorder, I highly recommend looking at the Institute For Attachment’s blog. Sometimes I feel they must have a hidden camera in my house when they describe the children. You can find it here: Institute For Attachment Blog.

I am currently in Indianapolis and will be filling you in on my adventures during the Focus Forward Fellowship, hosted by the Military Family Research Institute of Indiana University-Purdue University Indianapolis. I was selected as one of 17 women nationally to participate, so I am away from the family and getting my enrichment on with military-affiliated women!

Until then XOXO,

Procrastination Levels at Maximum Overload

Seriously. Who has to leave tomorrow at 3:30 A.M. to catch a flight to Indianapolis? Who has not a real article of clothing professionally packed? Indeed. Tis I, your friendly neighborhood procrastinator. I have no clue why I am not packed.

Well actually I do. I am drained exhausted lazy tired y’all. So, a little background on what’s going on. I was selected as a fellow (whoop whoop!) for the MFRI Focus-Forward Fellowship (learn more about it here here! As a military spouse for the past 15 years, I consider it to be an honor to be selected and to spend this upcoming week getting to know other military affiliated women. I sincerely am excited to go. I have already checked-in to my flight, printed all the important information that was sent and mapped out the distance from the airport to the Indiana University-Purdue University Indianapolis (IUPUI). Your girl is mentally ready.

That being said, I have no motivation to pack at this moment. I have washed the clothes, and a small percentage (.01%) are folded. This means that some effort has been made. But y’all look… look at these shenanigans. I’m too old to be doing this!

Packing for Professionals

So here I am still wasting time blogging about it. However, I feel like as a mom and just as a person, people assume that I have my life together 24-7. You are taught to give off that vibe as a military spouse and as a professional. I am the homeroom mom, student, employee, leader that will drop what they are doing to come tend to whatever needs tending. I manage a lot in a small space of time, and my mind is always going. So, packing seems like the chore that weighs down on me. I do not have time for this. Today is a therapy day for Miss Thang so I know I have to build myself up for impending drama, and Smurf needs all the attention before I go somewhere because he always has this notion that four days is a lifetime. (he is only six) When I have to do something for myself, I tend to get lost in everything else.

I will have this bag packed before 3:00 pm CST, and no one but you guys will know any better.

However, sometimes cuddles and funny faces are much more important than packing a bag.

XOXO,

Smurf and I luxuriating in the bed because… packing sucks. ❤

 

Blogging or Nah?

I grabbed this blog name two years ago when we were PCSing and I thought I needed an outlet. Zero posts later I am back and truly need a space to talk about whatever. From military life, parenting, baking, and everything else I tend to get myself into. I find as I am growing older, ( 12092 days old if you must know), my circle of “friends” is getting smaller, and I never want to lay it all on them. We all have stuff to deal with, and ideas to explore. So while they are my closest confidants, you reading this will now become one as well. Welcome to the madness. (insert: evil laughter…but it’s gonna sound cute, make it sound cute in your head.)

I am in my sixth senior year of my Bachelor’s program. That shit is funny to say out loud. Yet, I am proud that I finally am almost there. ELEVEN years total in college. I think that’s good for staying married, adopting, pushing a kid out and surviving military life. I mean I am hydrated and my edges are intact, so that must mean something!

My ultimate goal is to get my Ph.D. Hubby, (who henceforth will be called by his football name: Rhino) only has 5 years left to serve Uncle Sam. I am actually beginning to stretch out and discover who and what I want to be. Everyone tells you that you should have it figured out long before your 12092 day, but I like to rebel against the man.

We are currently taking our 14 year old daughter (henceforth known as Miss Thang…speaks to our current situation) to therapy for Reactive Attachment Disorder, Disinhibited Social Engagement Disorder, and Oppositional Defiance Disorder. I will have a separate posting about therapy, because she makes me feel so many things on a daily basis….a lot of them negative. If you know anything about attachment disorders, you will be able to tell I am the main parent, and her constant punching bag. It makes being nice hard most days.

Then there is my six year old son, (you’ll know him as Smurf) that kid is the coolest six year old in Texas. I don’t know how he can stay so happy all the time, but it must have to do with the constant screaming he hears about trying to kill us with his Legos. He is a total mama’s boy and on the worst of days can drive you to fits of laughter.

So, I cannot promise that this blog will give you all the warm and fuzzy feelings. I can promise that it will be honest, and show you all the things I like to get myself into. So to answer the question, “Blogging or Nah?”, I’ll give the blogging a go.

XOXO,